I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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