THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
