Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
