So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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