why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
