I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
