I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
