Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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