Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
we should paint friendship bongs
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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