I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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