whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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