I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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