If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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