Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
