he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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