I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
