tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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