I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
