i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
