tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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