ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
