Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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