I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
