the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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