Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
