i don't like sucking hair
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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