My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
