good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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