Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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