i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize