did you get engaged???
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
