I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
