I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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