Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
two words: eviction party
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
