and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
