White coat. Heels.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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