If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize