the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
