Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
