you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
