My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
