dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
