as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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