Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
