I'll bet she douches with gravy.
honey bunches of taint.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
