There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
