Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
