We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
