I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
