how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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