carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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