Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
