things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
