So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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