My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
