They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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