I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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