I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
