well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
