i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
