it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
