woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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