Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
