dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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