@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
