I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize