watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
